i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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