just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
