This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
