THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
