Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
