Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
