If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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