Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
