I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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