around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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