I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
