If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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