Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
