yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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