a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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