Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
