His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
