What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
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