i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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