Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
operation have a gay friend backfired
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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