they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
