nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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