Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
