You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I FOUND THE LEGS
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
