Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
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