Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We left the knife in your bed.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
