you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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