I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just found puke in my bra..
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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