Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
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