yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
