Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
