Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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