your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
