A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i wish my penis had a tongue
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
