so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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