Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Need sex. Gaining weight.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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