how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
