Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
