I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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