i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
