maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize