I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
