We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
