I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
