Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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