Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
