i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
