I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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