dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
