He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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