i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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