omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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