so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
