dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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